Impatience is and has been an unfortunate companion of mine for as long as I can remember. Once I have a picture of something in my mind, whether it is a goal, a place or a thing, the next thought that comes along is “how soon can I make this happen?” I suspect I am not alone in thinking this way.
When God called me to write and speak His truth I jumped in with both feet, full of enthusiasm and energy. I read several books on how to set up and maintain a blog and the associated software and I had grand visions of a high traffic website that inspired and encouraged people on a daily basis. I wanted to write as often as I could and when I wasn’t writing I wanted to tell people about the call that God had placed on my life so that we could rejoice and grow together.
Everything was possible, everything was exciting and I pushed myself to absorb as much knowledge and information as I possibly could for the task at hand. And it was fun!
As good and as noble as all of that was it didn’t take but about six months or so before I was beginning to feel exhausted and burnt out. Talk about a letdown! I went through a little bit of self loathing, a little bit of depression and a lot of anxiety over the fact that I might have been going about this all wrong.
I was spending so much time and energy trying to produce and create that I neglected the source of my creativity and the giver of all good things. I set unrealistic goals for myself based on standards that I created in my own mind. Instead of making my relationship with the Lord the number one thing in my life I made the task that He had given me my focus and that is where my time and energy went.
God given tasks are a blessing and a serious responsibility. I will never forget the day that God called me and how awesome (there is no other word for it) a moment that was. But it was awesome because of how close at hand God was to me. It was His presence, in almost a physical way, that made it so powerful. And now I see that there is nothing better, no greater blessing, than being in the presence of the Lord. It is what I was made for and it is satisfying and healing down to the depths of my very soul.
The work is important. I would not suggest otherwise. The mistake comes when we allow the work to interfere with our longing for and seeking of God’s presence. Only He can give us what we need to properly do His work and He gives it to us when we stay in close fellowship and communion with the Holy Spirit, when we stay in the study of His Word and when we pray without ceasing.